2024 the plot

Hey team,

Welcome to the Office Slayers— your no BS guide to being the hottest and most confident version of yourself.

It’s officially 2024, and the final year of “fuck it we ball”

We can all be much more serious in 2025 if we must (personally, my brain won’t be fully developed until 2026, but to each their own).

So in today’s newsletter, I’ll be sharing 24 things you can do to continue to “ball,” “slay,” and do things “for the plot” this whole year.

Here’s what Dr. Mortel prescribes for making 2024 your hottest and most exciting year yet:

1. Solo dates weekly 

2. Ask for a raise (my boss reads this) 

3. Say hi and smile at more strangers

4. Start wearing a bathrobe. Once you do this you immediately become a movie star pre and post shower 

5. Dress up when you go to the airport (the days of going in sweats are over, unless, of course, you’re wearing a matching set) (for domestic flights)

6. Throw out all your old socks and then get a giant pack of socks that are all the same so you will never have mismatched socks ever

7. Move (break your lease)

8. Start drama (Sam Altman was seen waiting in line at 4am for the new Valentine’s Stanley Cup at his local Target)

9. Sponsor this newsletter (just crossed 42 subs! and everyone is hot!)

10. Go on a blind date / speed date / double date / friend date with (semi) randos 

11. Create a “fuck you” fund just in case you have to quit your job or go into the witness protection program or move to Antarctica or something. Your drastic life change at the drop of a hat 

12. Get a new party trick: stretch everyday so you can do the splits, learn the didgeridoo, etc

13. Get one more margarita 

14. See how long you can go with no case on your iPhone 

15. Flirt with everyone (there are still rules! can explain later)

16. Start drinking your everyday drinks out of fun cups. I just got these in the color Malachite. My water is now so cute and fun.

17. Travel to a new place with no return flight (you can always get one) 

18. Make more of your own content 

19. Just get the damn tickets!

20. Wear more colors

21. Use this emoji more: 😏

22. Take a class for something you’ve always wanted to do #personal #growth

23. Do the nasty Read the Bible in a new place 

24. Ask to fly the plane (they’ll say no, but maybe they’ll give you and extra snack or a Delta trading card)

That’s all from Dr. Mortel today. Can’t wait for all of us to grow into the hottest slayest most confident most beautiful-brilliant-hilarious-radiant versions of ourselves.

See you next time ;)

Xo, BR